Buttsweat and Tears

Greetings Readers

So my counter part finally started to enter into the blogesphere. I will point out before you read that we have very different styles of writing. This works in everything that we combine in so pay attention. I get all of my ideas out into the world and mess with them, So i end up with 1000 words, 500 topics and about a billion spelling mistakes. I have always been a bad speller, from around the time they tried to teach us these things, all though my education, right up to this moment. You may also notice i like to trip you up with bad grammar, curse words and punctuation either missing or sitting someplace it has no business sitting. Lucky for you all there is a spell check.

So i heard about this idea we have in western culture called a "career". I first heard about it when i was very very young and i decided right then and there i would be a fire fighter. Then in grade 3, 4 or 5 (i dont really remember) i put my hand on a stove. Once the shock (and the imprint of my stove top) had worn off i decided that maybe the fire fighting thing would not work out.

So then came David Beckham and his might Manchester United. I proudly dawned my Manchester United Shirt and took to the Ringwood Indoor Football Pitch. I never scored a goal. I played goalie a lot, made my fair share of game winning saves and game loosing errors. Needless to say i certainly could not bend it like Beckham.
Then this whole Australia Rules Football thing caught my attention. I could occasionally kick straight, well enough to be a full forward. However after being thrown to the ground, jumped on/over, and bullied up and down the oval i decided i did not have the build or strength to play a game that is about nothing more than brutal strength. Sure you have to kick an egg, which is hard, that why they give you a point for missing.

No i dont hate Australian Rules. I have lived in Melbounrne all my life, i just got bored of it and the fans/players that surround the game.

So then came along Vince McMahon and his World Wrestling Federation. I had my costume, gimmick and signature maneuver all picked out. This was one of my most short lived ambitions. A certain mushroom man decided his signature maneuver would be to put his knee in my face. Defiantly a career ending move.

In 1977 a tiny little band called The Sex Pistols stared a musical revolution. Then came the Ramones who continued the trend in the USA. Followed up with Epitaph discovering the offspring. This is when Punk Rock hit the mainstream. Fast forward to 2002(ish) and i buy my first guitar. A Yamaha Acoustic which i still use today. Then i got my Electric 'aslin dane' Stratacaster knock off which sits in my study. After i got my Ibanez i started my first band (www.myspace.com/deionized). This band and all the bands i listen to (http://www.last.fm/user/toaster_oven [not sure that link will work]) inspired me to explore the music industry. It does not take much prodding to realise that to succeed in the music industry you need a bright bubbly personality, a stunning appearance or your father needs to work for sony bmg. How any small time punk band got off the ground in this countries pathetic industry i will never know. Maybe that is why no punk band ever came from Australia. I know i will never find a career as a musician but will never stop playing, listening or creating.

After meeting up with career 'councilors' at my high school i got an idea in my head about becoming an audio engineer. This is the person behind the scene who either makes the whole show or the whole record sound good. He plugs everything in, he twists all the knobs, he switches the mics and adds effects to Mrs Spears voice so she doesn't sound like shit. Then he edits everything, makes sure that the speed metal is speedy enough, the hardcore is hard enough, the rap is phat enough and the jazz is smooth enough etc. Sounds great right? Correct thats why there are classes in every university and every tafe, every year with 40+ students a class learning how to do it. Now take the figure and put it up against how many jobs there are in this country. You will find that the only way you can get a job is to be exceptionally fantastic at what you do, or you hit up your dad at song bmg for some work experiance.

Somewhere in between there i got a job as a check out chick. No long story here. Its shit and there is no chance in hell i want a career sucking up to the snooty residence of Chirnside Park.

Whilst being the next Hulk Hogan, David Beckham, Fat Mike or Fireman Sam may not have workied out. I am sure if i keep looking i will eventually find something that puts food on the table without making me want to hang myself.

Sometimes i like to end of a positive note.

Toaster_oven